Take a Penny, Take a Penny, Take a…

…at some point, you’re supposed to leave a penny, right? This principle applies to conversation as well. Conversation only works if you have at least two people answering and asking questions. Yet a surprising number of men on Bumble seem to be wholly unaware of this basic tenet of human interaction. About 25 percent of the time I message a new match, I get a one sentence reply that fails to demonstrate any interest in me and leaves me without anything worth following up on.

These range from depressing replies that tell me all I need to know about what a waste of time meeting this person in the real world would be…


This pessimistic individual has absolutely no chance with me after a response like this, but just for teaching purposes, he could easily have asked how I like Boulder and how long I’ve been living there. He could have said why he had to move out of Boulder. He could have talked about what he enjoys about Colorado in general. Or, he could have asked me anything about all the information on my profile. I have plenty of written content on my profile and plenty of action photos that would give anyone with a modicum of social awareness fodder for dialogue.


…to seemingly enthusiastic responses that nonetheless leave me scratching my head about the person’s conversational incompetence.


Maybe he could tell me some podcasts that he prefers. Maybe he could ask me what I like about Planet Money. Or, again, ask me about anything at all on my profile!

I don’t respond to any of these. I mean, if the guy can’t think of a single thing to ask me or a single thing to say to keep the conversation going, even if it’s “Hey, I’m not much of a texter but would you like to meet up?”, then I can’t envision what hope we have for a successful date. I generally give them about two days to come up with something to say and if they don’t, I unmatch them. I’m not going to hound them to talk to me. Especially not given these statistics that show the man:woman ratio in this area is clearly in my favor. Why bother trying to force something?

And if you are thinking, “Well, maybe the guy just isn’t interested in you,” let me make two points.

  • The app only allows you to communicate if the parties have expressed mutual interest. If my opening line was really so awful that it caused the guy to lose interest, then see the next point.
  • If you something happened (like a new relationship) between the time the guy first swiped right (because quite some time might have passed) and when I swiped right, then the guy should either say so or simply don’t respond, which is what happens about ten percent of the time. Let the message expire, which it does after 24 hours. Why respond and waste everyone’s time?

Ok, that’s all. Rant over. Hopefully some dudes out there will read this and learn.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s