Seeing Who’s Out There

As promised, my dating recaps are back. There are a few new (or new to me) dating apps out there since last summer that I’ve tried (Hinge and The League, for example), but I still find that Bumble has the most potential and attractive dates and has a format I prefer. So, I’ve been on there matching, unmatching, connecting, ignoring, and sometimes managing to fit in a date or two into my busy schedule. And when I do go out, of course I come home and take copious notes on everything the person did and said, and everything that transpired between us. People are always fascinating and get my creative juices flowing, even when they do nothing else for me. I primarily use my notes for fiction characters and keep these people anonymous, but I enjoy putting a little record out there for the public too. So here we are, first with two of my dates from last summer never who got their recap because their status was in progress at the time of my dating last post.

Summer 2017

The Professor: (This is what I wrote in August 2017, unedited since then, when I left for Europe after he and I had been inseparable for 12 days. We weren’t foolhardy enough at that point to attempt to conquer our geographical distance with any sort of formal relationship. If you follow this blog, you already got the rest of the evolution of who were were to each other and what my feelings were from September to the end in April.) Did you ever have a moment in life so absolutely perfect, so fairytale-esque, so made for the silver screen that you wished the Devil existed so you could sell your soul to him to freeze time and live in that moment until you had to give up your earthly body knowing you wouldn’t care about going to hell because you had already experienced heaven and couldn’t imagine anything better? After a brief date at the end of May, we spent five weeks growing our connection solely through text message, building anticipation and desiring to see each again in person. And then we had our moment. A blink of an eye compared to a lifetime. It began with a kiss so powerful that it literally left me speechless, my brain drained of anything except the electricity between us and became an extended weekend of near inseparability that was 99.9% euphoria, with only the looming, inevitable, incurable terminus to his visit darkening a little corner of my heart. Then four more weeks of separation, followed by 12 days of perfect togetherness. And now, we are physically apart once again. Given these circumstances, we can’t commit. The risk of immeasurable heartbreak is too great. But I feel immensely fortunate to share a little piece of my life with him, however I can.

The Product Design Company Owner: (I also wrote this bit in August 2017, after he and I had been on three dates. We had one more September that went basically the same as the ones I described here. Fortunately, we were on the same page about enjoying spending time together but knowing there wasn’t chemistry. And even more fortunately, he took the initiative to have the awkward conversation and propose a friendship. Perhaps he is the exception to the rule.) We have a connection but I don’t have that instant “oh my god this guy is amazing” feeling. I’m not exactly sure what I feel or what is between us, and, honestly, I think he’s confused too. I can’t get a read on him. We get along great and have lots to talk about, but we haven’t kissed. The end of our dates are getting a little awkward. We also have crazy incompatible travel schedules, and he both bikes and skis a lot, which I don’t, so I’m not sure this could be a relationship anyway. But we’re going to see each other again when I get back because we do have fun together. We’ll see what happens.

Spring 2018

And now on to what this spring has brought. There’s a whole lot of been there, seen that popping up on my iPhone screen, but a few men have caught my eye for a brief moment.

The Bioinformatics PhD Candidate: When he walked in, I instantly felt the date could go either way. If he said the right things, I’d want him. If he said the wrong things, there wouldn’t be enough physical attraction to overcome it. He said the wrong things. Not wrong – that’s too harsh. We had great conversation, diving into a lot of deep topics right away and developing a good rapport. But wrong for me. There were a few things he said about himself that are fundamentally incompatible with my values and the qualities I look for in a partner. Things that were important enough for me to instantly think “Oh, bummer. This will never work.” So despite the most enjoyable evening, I let him go at the end of the second beer.

The Land Surveyor: In the photos, he was attractively rugged. In real life, he was just rugged, almost in a tired way. Further, even though we had a lot in common in terms of hobbies, lifestyle, and the way we view the world, I didn’t particularly enjoy the conversation. Primarily, this was because I had to carry it. He was very shy and unassertive. Given that I’m an introvert, this is a bad sign. I need to be with someone who is more outgoing than me. All three of my first dates from last year that turned into something substantial involved rapid fire, eager conversation. We knew there was something between us and wanted to get to know each other, to take each other in mentally as much and as fast as possible. But this conversation involved an excess of awkward pauses as I tried to draw him out of his shell. There was no excitement.

The Physician: He was 100% perfect on screen and I really wanted to feel something for him. He’s a real catch: funny, well-traveled, successful, complimentary, kind, energetic, cute, athletic, generous, and young in soul but mature in all the right ways. But…two things. When we talked about what books we read, the first thing he brought up was books about spirituality. Yeah, that’s not me. And that’s fine, but if those are the types of books you most want to talk about, eh. I know I’m being super picky, but second, he was way too energetic and talkative for my introverted self. He was a bit of a verbal hurricane. Maybe it was just nerves, but I don’t think so. I put some serious thought into a second date with this one, but ultimately decided against it.

The I’m-Retired-at-44-San-Franciscan: This late night, impromptu meeting with someone I will never see again had one purpose and one purpose only. Mission well accomplished. As a bonus, I learned that he has led a rather public life, and he makes excellent fodder for a short story.

The Trail Groomer: This guy would forget his head if it weren’t attached to his body! That’s not why it wasn’t a match, but it was a good bit of entertainment to see him constantly leaving his keys, phone, and other objects behind. He lives a little ways into the mountains, so there was never potential for anything more than a casual connection, but I didn’t feel excited enough (or really at all) about him to want to maintain even that. He was smart and well-spoken but didn’t seem to have much life ambition or passion. He’s living a good, simple mountain life and enjoying it immensely, but I need something more.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

I’m feeling super picky at the moment. I don’t want to date someone with kids (I’d prefer he not have a dog either), he has to be fit (not super jacked – he just has to keep up with me and show an interest in maintaining an active and healthy lifestyle), has to like reading and intellectual pursuits (readers are really hard to come by in the land of craft beer, sunshine, bouldering, and winter sports), have moderate political views, love travel, can’t regularly work nights or weekends, can’t be military/law enforcement, and obviously, I have to find him attractive. I realize have a lot of requirements. But I’m an independent person with my life together financially, professionally, and socially. I don’t need to compromise. And I’m not on any sort of timeline for marriage and kids, so why bother tolerating any character traits that don’t match exactly what I want?








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