It’s been five months since I wrote about my dating exploits. Half of summer and, as of today, all of autumn has gone by. So, you may be wondering what gives? What does the silence mean? Nothing really. I dated some people for longer amounts of time than my usual one and done, I took some time off from dating, and then I got back out there after a lot of swiping left. Here’s what I found.
The Photographer: By the end of our first date, we were clinging to each other as if we the apocalypse were imminent and we were each other’s last hope. We watched the stars, went on an epic camping trip, and talked about philosophy, art, humanity, and our souls’ deepest desires. But it was too much. I wasn’t in the right head space for his level of intensity. Maybe in another life. Also knowing that he wants kids someday meant that I couldn’t let myself fall into him completely. There would be an end. Better a sweet one than a painful one. So we said goodbye after several weeks of soul touching.
The 3D Designer: This delicious looking man from a steamy Latin American country is a several-times over world championship triathlete who plays the guitar and speaks Portuguese and French, as well as English better than most native speakers do. We were only supposed to be a fling. Then it became more than that for him, while for me, it never would be. And because someone so callously, selfishly, and intentionally toyed with my heart this year, I wanted to be a better person. So, I ended us before he fell any deeper. On his dating profile, he describes himself as respectful, generous, and kind. He is absolutely all those things and deserves to find someone who can accept 100 percent of who he is.
(Another) Software Engineer: Such a negative, complaining type, and he only gave me five minutes notice that he was going to be 45 minutes late for our first (and only) date.
The Pilot: Smelled like booze, was chewing gum, and I swear to god he was gay. He was so flamboyant. Or maybe he was on some kind of upper? Also, really, really, really skinny. That did not come across in any of his photos. I thought he was hot in every one of his pictures. In real life, not so much, though he was super stylish and we had a blast together, a five-hour first date! Maybe I cut this one off too fast.
The Actor/Screenplay Writer: A handsome, stylish, sweet European with a big personality problem. He didn’t have one of his own. The acting profession seemed to extend too much into his personal life in that he took on the interests and lifestyle of anyone who he was dating. He desperately wanted to be in an all-consuming relationship and wouldn’t be able to handle an independent woman. Also, he had a bullshit fake “therapy dog” vest for his dog. Not OK.
The Ecological Economist: A handsome and intriguing older man who made me do a double take when he walked into the restaurant because he was more attractive in real life than in his photos. This is highly uncommon. Accomplished, intelligent, fun, and living an international life of mystery. I think I’m a good reader of people and from the way he acted on the date and what he said at the end of it, I was certain he genuinely wanted another date. He said was going back out on business for a week and a half, maybe more, but he really wanted to see me when he got back. Then he vanished 😦 Maybe he got caught up in some foreign espionage situation and is lying dead in the Peruvian Amazon. He never unmatched me on OKCupid. I don’t know what happened, but if you’re out there and interested, man, call me! It’s not too late!
The International Environmental Consultant: You know the guy who talks a big game about his skills in the bedroom, like, talks himself up a lot lot because as it turns out he has no game? Yeah. That. I gave him 2.5 tries but he couldn’t get the job done and I let him know…during. Wasn’t worth another second of my time. Real shame too because he’s a fascinating person with a fascinating life.
The Professional Musician: Sweet, plays in a touring band, and gives music lessons. Also a stylish dresser. (I’ve come across a lot of these lately, which is unusual in the land of runners, skiers, and rock climbers.) But even though he kept asking for follow-up dates, I didn’t feel like he was excited about me. Which made me not excited about him. Maybe I cut this one off too fast too and should have given him a third date. Oh well.
The Personal Trainer: So introverted. So thoughtful. Much sex appeal. Not much compatibility. I liked the idea of us together more than the reality of it. He was excited about life, yet simultaneously too directionless. Although he texted me almost daily, I don’t know where his head was at regarding me because we went out four times but he never tried to kiss me. I lost interest.
(A Third) Software Engineer: He looked hot in half his photos and not in the other half. The not half was the truth. Also, he’s in his mid-40s and has been in the same job since he graduated college. What??? He was fun, engaging, enthusiastic, and clearly interested in me, but I just wasn’t feeling it romantically/sexually. He seemed too old and normal for me.
The Restaurateur: This was almost the previous guy on repeat. We had a lot in common, from the virtual experience we seemed to be a perfect match, he was a real gentleman, I had a fun date, and it was flattering how into me he was. But again I wasn’t feeling it romantically/sexually. It seemed like he wasn’t real outdoorsy and I swear his photos were all at least five years old. Come on, guys, don’t do that. We’re going to know when we meet you.
The Web Developer: A great guy—attractive, sweet, interesting, and fun. But he lives too far away. I probably shouldn’t have accepted the first date to begin with, but he had a compelling profile and we had great conversation. Still, I don’t see any circumstance in which I would have the time or desire to drive two hours round trip for a date. I’m simply far too busy for any connection that is so demanding from the get-go.
(Another) Non-Profit Development Director: Dude was crazy hot but he wasn’t into me. So sad! At least he was a decent enough human being to tell me right away that he didn’t see more than friendship. I also knew that we wouldn’t have been compatible in the long run, but I still would have liked to play around for a little while.
The Sports Marketer: I knew before we met that we had absolutely nothing in common. However, I’ve been on quite a few dates with people I thought I was wildly, magically compatible with, based on our pre-date conversations, but then had no chemistry with in real life, so what the hell? Why not try someone totally out of left field? Well, that didn’t work either. The conversation was fine, but nothing special or super engaging. I also suspect he’s older than he claims to be. Oh, and I definitely caught him staring at the server’s ass twice as she walked away from the table and at my chest once. So this was an easy no from me.
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After all that, am I kissing anyone beneath the mistletoe this Christmas? Well, I don’t write about guys while the status or trajectory is inconclusive, so maybe I am or maybe I’m not. You’ll have to check in with me in the new year to find out. Hope the end of your year is everything you want!