One Year of Dating

One year ago, I dipped my toe back into the dating pool after spending some time recovering from a rather shocking and heart-wrenching breakup. Most people I went out with were Bumble matches. A lot of people get down on online dating, but I’ve always found it be better than meeting a random person in a bar. Like social media, it’s all about how you use it and how much value you assign to the interactions you have with it. I’m a casual dater who generally just has fun with it. It also helps that I’m a writer because even if there is no romantic connection, I enjoy listening to people’s life stories. I’ve gathered so much material from all the people I’ve met. And I met a lot of people over the last 365 days. Let’s count them.

Men I Matched With But Let the Match Expire Without Messaging: 5

Men I Matched With and Messaged But They Let the Message Expire Without Responding: 6

Men I Deleted Mid-Conversation Because They (a) Let Several Days Go By Between Responding to My Messages, Thereby Indicating That They Weren’t Really Interested And Were Only On Dating Apps To Collect Head Shots and Not Really to Date (b) Had No Clue About the Very Simple Fundamentals of Holding a Conversation, Thereby Leading Me to Assume There Was No Point Wasting Time Meeting Them in Person Because They Were Either Self-Centered or Neanderthals, or (c) Bored Me, Thereby Boring Me and Causing Me to Delete Them Mid-Conversation: 23

Men Who Deleted Me Mid-Conversation for Reasons Unknown: 2

Men I Went On Dates With: 30

Men Who Wanted a Second Date With Me: 27

Men I Wanted a Second Date With Who Weren’t Interested: 2

Other: 1

Men Who Got a Second Date: 13

Of Those 13, Men Who Got Three or Four Dates: 8

Of Those 8, Men Who Got Five Dates or More: 4

Most of these guys you’ve already read about in my 2018 posts, and here are the handful from 2019.

The Second Web Developer: Why did I keep trying to date people with kids? We had great conversations and he was really nice and attractive, but he had two young daughters. Granted, they were much older than the athlete’s kids were (he could actually leave them home alone for short amounts of time) but still, his custody schedule made it impossible for us to get together without me giving up the things that are important in my life. Plus, he talked about his girls a lot. I know he should—that means he’s a loving and good father—but I could not possibly have cared less.

The VP of Global Supply Chain: Another European, this time one from an island nation. Very attractive in an older man kind of way. I’m certain he was older than his profile claimed, even though I asked him about his age point blank and he swore that his profile was accurate. Our dates went really well, though I was pretty sure he was already seeing someone else. And when I invited him over and discovered that he’s got some serious hangups from his Catholic school boy upbringing, I decided he wasn’t worth pursuing any further.

The Brewpub Owner: This was a one-night only (okay, okay, two nights) replay of a casual connection I had seven years ago because why not? The conversation was easy over text and just as easy in person. He and I always were able to have a great time together, despite having literally nothing in common, and the intervening years hadn’t changed that. He’s a genuinely nice guy and fun to be around, but because of our vast differences, I’ve never seen him as someone I could have a relationship with. Here’s the best part. A year after I ended our friends-with-benefits relationship back in 2012, he fell out of a third story window and was in a coma for a while (he showed me all kinds of photos and scars to prove it) and suffered amnesia. He actually didn’t remember who I was when I started messaging him again in January! But he figured from the things I was saying that we knew each other and had dated, so he just rolled with it!

(A Fourth) Software Engineer (This is Boulder after all. There are a lot of them here): This man was thoughtful, kind, and emotionally open. We were compatible in terms of life values and he was very attractive. But…we had NO-THING to talk about. It’s not that he wasn’t smart; he was quite intelligent. However, it seemed that when he left work at the end of each day, he turned his brain off and just went home to watch paint dry. I tried to send him some podcasts and articles related to a few things we talked about, but couldn’t engage him that way. I tried to get him to talk about things that interested him, but I swear to god he literally had no hobbies or passions or interests. We went on a few dates, more than I should have, because I kept hoping for some kind of intellectual break through, but when I started dreading his daily, banal “how are you” text, a question he would never be capable of answering in any way that sparked excitement or interest, I had to break it off.

And so that brings me to the final statistic:

Men I Wanted To Be In A Relationship With: 1

The Physicist: Luckily for me, the feeling was mutual and here we are two months later. I mentioned him briefly at the end of my last dating post, but here are the details. We wore the same outfit to our first date. For real, same style, same color. I’m not a believer in coincidences as signs from fate, but maybe I should be. Halfway through our second date, something just clicked between us. That’s the only way I can describe it. A switch flipped and we were both all in. Over the next few weeks, we talked about everything: who we are as individuals and in a couple, what a good relationship looks like to us, what we want out of life and love, how we treat others, and want to be treated. We were completely open and completely real and completely trusting. We were completely ourselves. The more I learned about him, the more into him I became and am becoming day after day. He’s wonderful and we complement each other’s lives well. He’s the ideal combination of handy mountain dweller, Colorado style athlete and explorer, thoughtful romantic, hint of hipster, intelligent and accomplished professional, city culture enthusiast, and rugged outdoorsman. And so, so handsome with his thick beard and collage of tattoos and coiffed yet slightly off-kilter hair and shining brown eyes and masculine hands. You’re undoubtedly going to see him popping up on this blog from time to time, which means he needs an alias. So if you read anything about someone named Solar (because of the research he’s doing), this is the guy.

One Comment

  1. How wonderful to finally meet up with someone you really liked. I suppose the effort was worth it….Finding the right person for anything is always a hit or miss and sometimes the process takes longer than you planned for. Ultimately, there is a lot of adjustment on both sides….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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